It seems some people close to me are kind of freaking out about this open adoption business. I casually mentioned that I still chat frequently with the boy’s birth mother. I’m pretty proud of that fact, that the boy’s birthmother and I are still talking, openly and honestly about topics from the boy to reality tv.
I didn’t expect the freakout I got. Well, not necessarily a freak out, but definitely concern. I’ve had several extended family members tell me that it is time for space, and I need to step away so she can move on with her life. That really I’m getting too close and it is getting a little weird and uncomfortable for them.
I’m distressed by this partly because I truly like the boy’s birthmom. She’s a good person and I have really enjoyed getting to know her these past few months. I feel like we have a good friendly relationship, and I don’t feel comfortable stepping away from that right now. Also, (and this may be the part where folks are freaking out) she is having a hard time right now. If I can be helpful to her in any way, I feel that I need to do that. She is facing big grief and loss issues and right now she feels comfortable turning to me. That may change or it may not, but I don’t think it is bad to be supportive to her, and to encourage her to get help she needs.
I also worry that some family members of mine are trying to erase the connection between the boy and his birthmother, and they would probably feel more comfortable if there wasn’t a birthmother around at all. Maybe they’ve seen too many Lifetime movies. I’m not sure where all this “don’t get too close” is coming from, but I don’t like the doubt it is casting over our new little triad.
I’m glad we are still talking, his birthmom and I. Even if we get “too close” later, for now it seems to be working.