Auld Lang Syne, At last December 31, 2006

Happy Freakin’ New Year.

For myself and many of my sisters in arms 2006 has sucked great giant donkey balls. Alas one thing that this beeyotch of a year has taught me is to never, never, say “Well, this new year can’t possibly be worse than this last year.”  Because that is when fate/universe/karma/deity of your choice just snickers, laughs, and throws you curveballs like you never anticipated.

And so I offer my hope that 2007 will be different for you and yours.  That somehow you can reach into your stores of hope, that your strength holds you through another round of battle, that the challenges are smaller and the joys all the sweeter.  May you find peace, and maybe, just maybe may all of our dreams come true.

Her small heart grew three sizes that day December 20, 2006

We are matched with a birthmother.  It is the most perfect Christmas present I could have ever received.  The dreading of the holidays is filled with joy and awe at this amazing woman who has chosen us to parent her child.

I’ve tried to tell her so many times to please not to feel pressure, please do not worry about disappointing us, that she can still change her mind, and we will understand. I so desperately do not want her to feel coerced, to make sure this is what she wants.  She laughs and tells me she is not changing her mind, to tell whomever I’d like that my child is coming soon.

I’m working on letting go of my inner grinch, and embracing the miracle of the season. For unto us a child (might) be born.  I cannot quite believe it, but i can’t quite stop grinning either.

Oh no they didn’t December 12, 2006

Imagine the scene, me bubbly and happy in my adoption bliss. OK a bit sad because The Naked Ovary is closing down, but overall I’m in a pretty good state of mind.

I get home and turn on a little television to procrastinate from swiffering the house in preparation for my Resolve group gathering and what should I see but an ad from my good old RE. Now in my town, there have been a lot of shake-ups in RE world over the past year or so. It’s worse than Survivor with the shifting alliances and changing of camps.  So I suppose it was only a matter of time before my good old RE had to use my hard earned money for television ads as opposed to  a new speedboat our something. Not that he hasn’t already spent all of my money already, but you know what I mean.

Imagine my surprise to see Dr. Sweetiepie there at his desk talking to a blonde woman who likes a bit like their new receptionist. Obviously the woman who looks like their new receptionist isn’t a total failure or a donor egg candidate, as there is no kleenex in the usual spot in Dr. Sweetiepie’s office.

Cut then to a nicely lit ultrasound monitor with Dr. HardlyEverThere explaining the ins and outs of some ovarian looking shot to. . . .my favorite nurse? I stop and think, wait a minute Favorite Nurse has a kid, she doesn’t need IV. . .ohhhh. Oh no they did not.  They made Favorite Nurse pretend to be a fertility patient!

Too bad they didn’t shoe Nurse Evil stabbing herself in the stomach with Gonal-F.  I would have paid good money for that one.

Makes a girl glad she is adopting, that’s for damn sure.

More thoughts December 12, 2006

I might as well spill it why I’m thinking about race.

Our profile is being considered rightthisveryminute by a woman who is pregnant with a multi-racial baby.

We are excited, but also realize that it is a looooong way from anything happening but the prospect of Maybe Baby being out there, is well exciting. And proves yet again that our social worker is a rock star. Rock Star Social Worker had been a bit confused and thought we were only interested in caucasian babies, and was intrigued that we were open to babies of different races.

The Hub has again impressed me, as he has every step of the way on this adoption journey. He is so excited about the possibility of a child of a different race. He is so hopeful to add diversity to our lives.  Me, I’m worried about hair.  Where he sees the gifts of diversity, I get intimidated by how many ways we could unknowingly screw a child up.

I know I’m not the first adoptive mom to think about these things. I know I won’t be the last. it’s just me wrapping my brain around all of this.

I’m excited, scared, intimidated, hopeful all wrapped up at once.  I’m realizing that as open-minded I have thought myself in the past, I’m realizing just how much my white skin has shielded me from having to think about race.

Why I have a lot of work to do if we adopt transracially December 9, 2006

Let’s just have a purely hypothetical situation.  Suppose (hypothetically of course) that I work in a place where I am vastly outnumbered by surly teenagers.   You could also assume that perhaps I may also work with the frazzled parents of surly teenagers from time to time.

Yesterday I dealt with a  particularly surly teenager and her particularly frazzled parent.  The surly one happens to be biracial, while her frazzled parent is white.  She argued with us white folks that she couldn’t possibly stay because her hair was awful.  We WF’s assumed it was just another ploy in a long line of ploys and didn’t give in.

Then as I was escorting the teen to where she needed to be, one of her friends (who happens to be black) came up to her absolutely, positively horrified, hugged her tightly and demanded:

“Your hair! What is wrong with your hair??!”

Oh. My.  Clearly I missed that anything would be wrong. To me, her hair looked fine, but it obviously wasn’t.  Now I am usually pride myself on being pretty racially sensitive, and I know about The Hair Issue, but I am humbled by the fact I totally missed it here.  Very, very humbled indeed.

There must be something to say December 7, 2006

Not sure what though, as I’m in one of those real life is busy kind of spaces.  I have lots of posts kicking around in my brain.  Big things like preparing for life as an adoptive parent, and racial equities and non-equities.  Little things like what in the world does one get one’s step-brother-in-law who has everything.  And things like FedEx’s ex-what was she thinking??

The gluten-free diet is actually going quite well which makes me wish I had done a farewell tour more like Barbra rather than the Stones. I’ve had one or two inadvertent slip-ups which I paid dearly for. All in all though life as a celiac isn’t too bad. Thankfully, they have not declared wine full of gluten, so I am a happy girl.

The adoptive breast feeding plans are also proceeding. I’m using the Newman-Goldfarb protocol and well, I’m feeling pretty dang boobalicious lately.  I can’t say I’ve ever been aware of the girls before, but well now, what can I say-they are there!

Dashin’ and stashin’ December 1, 2006

Twas the night before Homestudy and all through the house,

All the creatures were stirring, with panic and shouts.

The closets were stuffed with the greatest of care,

In hopes that the social worker wouldn’t look there.

Ok, so that is about as far as I can go with that one. Y’all can feel free to add to my little holiday poem. I on the other hand, am simply thrilled that I am finished with the icky part of the paper chase aka Homestudy. Since we have The World’s Coolest Social Worker, it was actually a wonderful experience. We talked a lot about hopes and fears. She’s an adoptive mom and talked about her experience some. We reminded her that we were both open to bi-racial children and that we hoped for more openess/visits rather than less.

I was sooo stressed about getting checked out. Adoptive mommas at work had told me they had been dinged for not having outlet cover or were asked when the last time they had sex was. Umm, yikes! Luckily the World’s Coolest Social Worker did nothing of that sort. Instead she approved us to adopt.

Huzzah! We’re going to be parents! For real! Let the shopping commence! (Although I should probably get the pliers out of hubby’s underwear drawer while I still remember where I stashed them. . .)