Don\’t Know Much Biology

Here’s hoping nurture counts as much as nature

Why yes I do have a blog March 12, 2007

Filed under: The A Word — Bebe @ 9:26 pm

Oy I am a bad blogger! I really should swing by here a bit more often, yes?

Thank you all for your thoughts on my last post–especially to Jenna. Dudes do y’all know Jenna? She is such a rock star in the adoption blogosphere. I’m honored you stopped by. 🙂

So I’ve put the word out to the extended family that we are not willing to hear any comments about how often we are chatting with the boy’s birthmom.  I so strongly feel that the two of us will figure out where our relationship and our relationship with our son is going.  I really feel it is the best for the boy that we have this openness.  I’m lucky and blessed that she wants to stay in touch, and really nobody can dish on Amer!can !dol like she can.

As for the boy, he is a month  old. That is so seriously crazy I can’t believe it.  I’m trying to get my mama groove on, and when I look at how far the hub and I have come, I think it is working.


Don’t get too close March 2, 2007

Filed under: The A Word — Bebe @ 11:24 am

It seems some people close to me are kind of freaking out about this open adoption business. I casually mentioned that I still chat frequently with the boy’s birth mother. I’m pretty proud of that fact, that the boy’s birthmother and I are still talking, openly and honestly about topics from the boy to reality tv.

I didn’t expect the freakout I got. Well, not necessarily a freak out, but definitely concern.  I’ve had several extended family members tell me that it is time for space, and I need to step away so she can move on with her life.  That really I’m getting too close and it is getting a little weird and uncomfortable for them.

I’m distressed by this partly because I truly like the boy’s birthmom. She’s a good person and I have really enjoyed getting to know her these past few months. I feel like we have a good friendly relationship, and I don’t feel comfortable stepping away from that right now.  Also, (and this may be the part where folks are freaking out) she is having a hard time right now. If I can be helpful to her in any way, I feel that I need to do that.  She is facing big grief and loss issues and right now she feels comfortable turning to me. That may change or it may not, but I don’t think it is bad to be supportive to her, and to encourage her to get help she needs.

I also worry that some family members of mine are trying to erase the connection between the boy and his birthmother, and they would probably feel more comfortable if there wasn’t a birthmother around at all.  Maybe they’ve seen too many Lifetime movies.  I’m not sure where all this “don’t get too close” is coming from, but I don’t like the doubt it is casting over our new little triad.

I’m glad we are still talking, his birthmom and I.  Even if we get “too close” later, for now it seems to be working.


Baby proactiv anyone? February 27, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bebe @ 1:23 pm


Life with the lad really is incredible. Tiring, but incredible. There is something about sitting and rocking a sweet little bundle of baby. Sometimes I still can’t believe he is here.

Except for the zits that is.  My sweet little cuddlebug has got baby acne. Bad.  And for his pimple popping mama, well it has been a trial.  I mean seriously, this is big challenge to not just attack some of these baby zits.  I really don’t want the lad to be scarred for life because his mom had a thing for extracting pus. Motherhood has its sacrifices and all that.   The ped says not to worry about it and it should clear up in a month (!) or two.  If I still had any breastmilk, I’m told a bit of that would clear things right up.

Alas, the girls have dried up.  A hellacious bout of the flu took care of them.  Nothing like puking up your domperidone and herbs for three days to really kill the interest in breastfeeding.   The lad also hated the supplementer with a white hot passion, and also seems to be lactose intolerant (as are most babies with african-american heritage, which the some certain medical professionals failed to inform us about).  That all seemed to add up to a big sign saying no breastfeeding. Actually I think the lactose intolerance got me the most.  It is hard enough for me to live gluten-free, and I think no dairy would send me Over. The. Edge.

I’m super glad I did the work to get there though. I gave him his very first feeding, and I got to feel what it was like to have a baby nurse at my breast.  I’m sad because I feel like yet again a part of my body didn’t work, but overall I think it was a good effort considering.

Still so much to say about adoption life, how things are going with birthmom, adjusting to being a mom, etc.  just gotta figure out how to say all of it.


oh my stars February 16, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bebe @ 8:34 pm

Where to begin? where to start?

It’s a boy this amazing little bundle of ours.  He has this awesome punk rocker hair that sticks up everywhere.  Both of his birthparents have signed the paperwork, and stunningly, we had ICPC clear today (must love those people not wanting to be backed up over a holiday weekend!)

The complication of course has been me, and my stupid body. I managed to catch one of the nastiest flu viruses this area has seen in years.  I think the L&D nurses wanted to admit me when they saw me puking all over our room. The hub was cacthing it too, but they caught it in time to put him on some meds. Punk.  I’m finally starting to feel like a normal person, but it has been rough. The lad has so far shown much patience with his ignorant parents.

So there we are-overwhelmed, overjoyed, and a family of three.


Waitin’ on the world to change February 11, 2007

Filed under: A day in the life,Bitter Suite,The A Word — Bebe @ 3:22 pm

Last year at this time the Hub and I were mourning our BFN from our only IVF cycle that had my eggs on board. We were grief stricken even though everyone told us we would never get pregnant what with my FSH and his malfunctioning sperm.  I had spent six months doing everything under the sun to have a successful IVF. The failure was heartbreaking and hub and I set off to my BIL’s condo in Arizona to map out our next move.

We spent our time right before Valentine’s day mourning. We would walk around in a daze, alternating between firm resolution and crushing doubt.  Would we ever be parents? Would we even still be together after the ups and downs, not to mention the bills?

Now, a year later, we are in a hotel room in the middle of the country. We had many, many more tears and spent many more days wavering between firm resolution and crushing doubt. The bills mounted up, but the hub and I have grown deeper towards each other, forging a marriage stronger than I could have ever thought. We have all those ironic gifts of infertility my therapist keeps talking about

A year ago, my husband was trying to hold back tears as he helped dry mine. Today he is excitedly pacing the floor, waiting for his child to be born.


Where’s a sherpa when you need one? February 5, 2007

Filed under: A day in the life — Bebe @ 8:04 pm

Let’s just say, hypothetically of course, that myself and the Hub have done a little traveling. It’s the kind of traveling that marks auspicious changes in one’s life. The kind of traveling where you realize that no, you cannot rent the cheapy economy car anymore. If your significant other is anything like mine, you know how traumatizing this can be for the family cheapskate, budget conscious American.

The Hub grudgingly signed the paperwork for a mid-size car, whilst I gleefully went on my merry way towards a comfy car with lots of legroom. All was well, until we started loading, and gulp, realized there was a significant lack of space incredibly quickly.

And lo, it was then the Hub’s turn to gloat, as the kindly rental car dude could only give us one option when we dragged our significant amount of baggage back to his counter. A mini-van.

Holy fucking crap. I’m cruising around in a mini-van. For a wee person who will probably be riding around, but then again may not, with us, I’m in a mini-van. Me, the person who swore never, ever EVER to be seen in a mini-van.

We may not recover from this trauma for a loooooooong time. Although rumor has it that satellite radio is on board. . . .


This month February 1, 2007

Filed under: The A Word — Bebe @ 6:37 pm

Hello February!

Hopefully this is the month my child will be born. Holy shit Batman! I think I’m going to resolve my infertility! This month! Whoa…..

I know everyone wants a report on my ta-ta’s, and well they are still going. I do have to say that the Pump In Style is like the worst boyfriend you ever had in your whole life.  In the morning, when one would think you would get the most milk, nada. Then just when you are about to try and get your money bank putting it on craigslist, suddenly you are getting record setting sessions.  Pure evil I tell you.

Other than the diabolical pump, I am acting all like an expectant mother. Complete with crying jags and scared to death I will suck at this.  I’m nervous and elated, excited and scared to death.  I can’t believe I ever said no way to adoption, refused to consider it for so long.   Now I have a wonderful new friend in my life who I hope will let me be a mother to her child. To think when I was so scared of birthparents, I now look forward to being one of two mothers.

To think it might all happen this month.